You may experience some of the following realities:

Fragmentation.

During the trial, you may feel that you have two separate lives – your life in the courtroom and your life at home. You may be so totally absorbed by the events going on in the courtroom that you are unable to take care of the usual tasks in your life like looking after your children, making meals, cleaning your house, arranging for transportation to court, paying bills. You may resent the fact that the judge, the lawyers, the jury, the witnesses and the spectators will go back to their “regular” lives after the trial but that your loved one will not return. You will continue to deal with your loss and your pain.

Suppression.

You may feel that you are expected to hold your emotions in check while you are in the courtroom. An angry outburst might cause you to be removed from the courtroom. Loud sobbing and continuous crying might be interpreted as trying to influence the jury. Prejudicial conduct in the courtroom could be grounds for a mistrial. Although you want to avoid this happening, these are your feelings. On the other hand, you may want to show that you are in control of your emotions and purposely not cry in front of the jury or when giving testimony.

Intolerance.

You may find it difficult to look at the accused in the courtroom. You may find the person’s attitude or interactions with his or her lawyer and family offensive or irritating. The accused may have a “smirk” on his or her face. This may make you very angry.

Frustration.

You may be very frustrated by all the delays. The date for the trial may have been changed several times before the trial actually starts. During the trial, the defence lawyer may make motions for adjournment or motions for mistrial. It may seem to you that these are “stalling tactics.” Sometimes the lawyers spend a long time arguing points of law or discussing whether evidence should be admissible or not. The jury is not present during these times. Sometimes the schedule of witnesses has to be revised. A day or a half-day of court may have to be missed if witnesses are not available to testify. The frustration level is increased when you realize that you have absolutely no control over what happens in the courtroom.

Impatience.

Although you may be at the court building from 9:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. each day of the trial, you may feel that there are only three and a half to four hours of actual “work” done. Generally, court does not convene until 10:00 a.m. each morning. The morning recess lasts for 15 to 20 minutes. The lunch recess is usually from 12 noon until 2:00 p.m. There is an afternoon recess of 15 to 20 minutes. Court will sit until about 4:30 p.m. depending on the length of the witness’ testimony. It seems that there is a lot of waiting while the court procedures for entering and exiting the courtroom are followed.

Discomfort.

It may be hard to share the hallways and washrooms with the family and friends of the accused. Everyone has to wait outside the courtroom together, often in narrow hallways, until the courtroom is open to the public. Depending on the location of the courtroom, the accused may be brought right past you by a sheriff’s officer. All people are asked to move aside as the accused is brought by, in leg shackles and handcuffs.

Difficulty.

You may find it difficult to listen to some of the testimony or see some evidence. Descriptions

of places that were special to you and your loved one or the scene of the crime described by a forensics person or the injuries inflicted at the time of death described by the medical examiner may be too painful to hear. Physical evidence and photos can be very upsetting. It is okay to leave the courtroom and to return. Don’t feel that you are deserting your loved one if you take a break.

Shock.

You may be surprised and shocked by the intensity of the questioning of witnesses by the defence counsel and the attacks on the truth of their testimony, the accuracy of their memory and note-taking skills. Law enforcement officers may be questioned relentlessly about their activities around events in the case. You may be upset that negative references are made about your loved one and that his or her background or character are attacked. The defence will try to destroy the credibility and reliability of the Crown witnesses. You may be upset by the cross-examination tactics and what seems like “game-playing.”

Surprise.

You may be surprised by the formalities and courtesies that are observed in the courtroom. (You may even find them a bit silly.) Everyone must stand when the judge enters and exits the courtroom when the court clerk says, “All rise.” The lawyers address the judge as “My Lord” or “My Lady,” a form of address that goes back to the Middle Ages. When speaking about one another in the case, one lawyer refers to the other as “my learned friend.” Lawyers and certain court staff who are not involved in the case who may come to the courtroom to observe must quickly bow when entering or leaving the courtroom while court is still sitting, as a way of showing respect to the judge. You may not wear a hat in the courtroom or read a newspaper while court is in session. 

Irritation.

You may be offended that there are people observing the events of the courtroom daily out of a sort of curiosity. Some people attend murder trials regularly as a “hobby.” They select cases of interest and travel between two or three courtrooms daily. They are known by the Crown attorneys, defence lawyers, court reporters and don’t hesitate to ask them questions or to speculate among themselves about outcomes of trials.

Fatigue.

Some days you may feel that you need a break from the courtroom – just to stay at home and read or have coffee with a friend. Do whatever you need to do. There is no “right” way to work through the court process.

Exhaustion.

If you have a large family or support network of people who are interested in hearing about the day’s events in court, you may want to consider having someone be the contact person to relate the day’s proceedings. When you return home at night you may be so exhausted that you don’t want to talk to anyone and you definitely do not want to relive what happened in the courtroom that day.

Mennonite Central Committee Canada. (2011). Getting through the maze: A guidebook for survivors of homicide.